: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I look better un-naked...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
