mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My dick has a subreddit
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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