I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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