Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
