I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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