I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
