Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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