my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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