I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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