Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
