Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
