My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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