Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
