If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
50% drunk capacity currently
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
