you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
