also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
