pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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