I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
