If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
