Your mouth is God's brothel.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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