I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
