you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
