the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
