I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
