Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
