hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
