why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
