her vagine was all disorganized.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
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the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.