I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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