What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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