No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.