I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.