It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins