I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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