i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
