Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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