I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.