i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
