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The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
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