I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.