i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.