fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd