If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.