How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
