i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize