My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
