Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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