SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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