Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
