That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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