Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
