Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
