I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
