Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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