ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
