i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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