idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
