Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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