i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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