she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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