no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
