I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
