My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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