You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
