I skipped work to stalk him.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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