We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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