Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
