I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
