I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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