I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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