I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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