that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dick very happy bro
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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