Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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