A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize