So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
