Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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