i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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