I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
