I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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