We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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