i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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