I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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