I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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