so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
time to smoke my breakfast
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
