I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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