ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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