You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
