I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
