Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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