Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
